Have you ever had someone describe something to you, whether you know it or not, and suddenly, no matter how you thought about it before, that becomes one of the ways in which you look at it? It makes sense, it's a new way to look at it, you take it into consideration. Now have you ever had that happen when you want to force yourself to not think of it in that way? Where you know that could change your perceptions of it so drastically, the experience itself will change? I suppose in many ways, that has been my struggle since I got here. I can't say I've gotten the most positive feedback about Korea, about teaching at an academy, about the food... the list goes on. It honestly scared me when I got here because for the first time, I was wondering if I was legitimately going to hate where I lived and what I did.
I remember when I was living in Japan, forcing myself into a mindset that I would strive to understand the differences and accept them, that I would taste anything I was offered and appreciate it... basically attempting to rid myself of my prejudices as much as possible. I can't exactly say I was completely successful, but over the months I was there, I realized how that mindset really impacted the way I interacted with things.
Sadly, I have not managed that in Korea. From the moment I got here, it seemed I was flooded with all the things I would hate, the negativity was crushing. All the worse things to expect, in work, in attitudes, in food even made me doubt my ability to appreciate it.
But as I look back on my first month here, I notice a few things. First, it went by so fast, and it was painless (ok, relatively painless). I've been here a month? Really? I still feel so incompetent, I feel after a month I should be much more able to navigate things, whether the school, the culture or the language. But in spite of all that, I've had fun, with the successes and the struggles both. Second, like anywhere, there are cultural differences but to me it's just learning to navigate a new job, no matter where it is. There's never been anything that I find in any way offensive or stupid, it's different, it works differently, it's effective in different ways and the fact of the matter is, I just have to get used to it. And that's fine. And the last thing is that even the most unnerving things - like it taking me over an hour, instead of the needed 5-10 minutes to find the Fulbright building because the directions on the website were completely insufficient - make for amusing stories and if you power through, you learn something, if only patience. Or where to find the post office in Mapo-gu along with the National Health Insurance Building, the Labor Union Office, the closest Starbucks to Gongdeok station and the Rotary Building. And in the end, I worried a lot less about the test, because I was too busy focusing on how to get to the testing center, which has merit.
I know it will still be something I struggle with. Are these next 11 months going to be so long and tedious, by the time they're over I feel like I just went through another four years of college? Am I going to step on the plane thinking "Good riddance, I never ever want to come back to this country"? And perhaps the worse thought, am I going to start hating my job so much that I stop caring to the point of not really doing it properly? I wonder what I'll think then. A year is both so long and so short...
For now, I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the week in Seoul with family and friends and look forward to presentation classes with brilliant 9 year olds who are each researching a country, and a conversation class where I get to take the kids to my apartment to cook and speak English. Not to mention a new month where I can actually do the curriculum properly rather than rush the last week to accomplish something I didn't know existed.
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